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A Wonderful Day with Helen The greatest amount of time I spent with Helen was in Hong Kong where we worked together as teachers. Through the mysterious workings of God, we later found each other living in the United States and even more wondrous, in the adjoining states of New Mexico and Texas. I was living in New Mexico and she was living in Texas. We found each other again after being apart for many years. We occasionally corresponded with each other for several years but did not find an opportunity to visit. In 1998 I shared with Helen that I was going to be married in April. Helen, being her usual extraordinary self, arrived unexpectedly at my front door along with Roque and several friends. She had come to personally deliver her wedding presents. Although she stayed for only a short time because they were on their way to visit friends in Santa Fe, her gesture of friendship was one of the great honors of my wedding. After that we phoned and e-mailed each other more often. It was through this correspondence that I found out she had been diagnosed with cancer immediately after her trip to Santa Fe. This tragic news brought us together closer than we had ever been before. After trying to make plans to meet with Helen at her home, it finally happened in October 2003. Because my husband is paralyzed and I had been providing all his care for the past several years, I could only be away for one day. Roque picked me up at the airport at 10:30 in the morning and drove me to the house. He had to return to work and we made plans that he would drive me back to the airport later that afternoon. I had not seen Roque since he and Helen had delivered their wedding present. We had spoken on the phone several times and I was able to share with him much of the at-home medical care information that I had learned in taking care of my husband. As we approached the driveway of their home I became even more excited about the thought of seeing Helen again. Helen was now living in her bedroom on the lower floor of the house. The bedroom was very well arranged to meet all her medical needs. Helen’s great smile and sparkling eyes greeted me and mine greeted her. It was as though no time has passed from when we had last seen each other. We talked about when we had been teachers together in Hong Kong at St. Mary's Canossian College and she would come to visit me and what a positive support she was to me during that time when I was making life changing decisions. Helen had the TV on all the time and was most interested in watching the Chinese channels that she could now receive from DirecTV. She watched Chinese television every day and closely followed the news. We talked about the dam that was being built in China and the various construction projects and how Hong Kong is changing. She was very up-to-date with all the things that had been going on in mainland China and in Hong Kong. I asked how she was doing and she never complained at all. She spoke in a matter-of-fact way. She was very quick in talking about her herself and her needs and her issues. I asked her how her skin was doing. My husband is a quadriplegic so I knew about skin issues and how laying down a lot could cause pressure sores and I was concerned for Helen’s skin integrity. She turned over and I saw her back which looked very good, a great indication of Roque’s care for her. After looking at her skin and I saw her drainage bags which she showed me with her great smile, just so matter of fact, with no complaints at all. Helen had no regrets about anything, nothing of that sort, just what she did all-day, mainly sleeping a lot. We talked about her painkillers and the issues that she was having with pain. Sometimes the pain was so bad that Roque would have to increase her medication. She did not like that as she wanted to be more alert. She talked about the wonderful support group from the Chinese church and the lady, Mary, who came to give her communion on every Tuesday. We talked about the hospice nurses who came to visit her and were very good with all the supplies that she needed. She was so happy with the new air mattress that they had just received that Roque worked so hard with the medical plan to get it, which enabled her to lie on her back with little need to be turned as she was in great pain. Helen changed the subject and drew my attention to a small container on her night stand that was full of chocolates and she confided in me that this was her great passion. She was feeling rather guilty about this indulgence and I told Helen to enjoy what you can. It was almost time for lunch. She got out of bed and we walked to the kitchen and sat down to this wonderful lunch. The food was so good that Helen wanted to get me all the recipes. After lunch we walked to the living room. I remember sitting there on her couch and the phone rang. It was her friend Lucy. They spoke for a short time and Lucy started to cry on the phone. Helen said she had to hang up. She then shared with me that she knew that her time was short and she did not want any tears around her, she wanted only happiness. We walked back to the bedroom and she lay down. I started up a conversation as to what she wanted for her funeral. She said that it was much too sad to talk to Roque about it so they had not discussed it. I told her that Roque has taken such great care of her and it would surly be a gift to him to know that he fulfilled your wishes both in life and in death. Her response was that she did not want Roque to be in more pain than what he would be in and having a funeral would only have him surrounded with people, saying “I sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”. So my response was that if she had thought of cremation? She did not know that Catholic could be cremated. I told her that they can be and she could have a memorial service. Where there is no body but just the ashes. Her economic self, the great bargain hunter, took over and her eyes sparked with enthusiasm. “Will this be cheaper than a coffin funeral?” “Oh yes,” I said, “Jack and I have made our arrangements for our cremation and it only cost $600.00.” I could see her mind working. ” What do you do with the ashes?” “You can do what ever you want. You can spread them you can bury them you can keep them in a little chest on the dresser you and Roque can decide.” “I like the idea of having them on the dresser but I have nieces and if they come over and open the little chest and all the ashes will fall on the ground.” “Well not exactly, they are enclosed in a plastic bag or anything you want to enclose them in.” At this point our conversation became hilarious. We both laughed so hard we were crying. The great mind was at work again. “How can we make arrangements for this?” “Where’s the phone book? Let’s call different funeral homes and inquire.” The next hour I was on the phone learning more about Texas law concerning funerals and burials. We called this one place that they said they would bury Helen’s ashes for free if she would not mind being buried in a pathway. As long as it was a bargain, Helen said that she did not mind if people would walk on her ashes for the rest of her eternal life. Oh how we laughed. Later we discussed the idea of having her ashes in Hong Kong, Canada and Texas. All of this opened up an area that both she and Roque had been unable to enter. As hard as it would be, she said that she would talk to Roque about the funeral arrangements. She felt that she was a burden and again we talked about how it's not in our hands. God brings people together to share the journey of life which also includes the life hereafter. It is not in our control. I decided to give her a massage to bring more blood circulation to her arms and legs. She had me use this wonderful Vaseline cream. During the massage her thoughts were on Jack, thinking that he could use this cream also and she sent me home with a big jar. Roque had set up a camera in the bedroom that allowed him to see Helen from his work desk in office. In this way he felt that he could always be at home with Helen. I did not know this until the end of the day when Roque called and told me to look on the shelf behind me. He then explained that this was a live feed through his computer and that he had been able to share our day. He was on his way home and was bringing me some special Chinese sweet bread for Jack. After having dinner with Helen I had to leave with Roque for the airport. We both knew that this would be our final goodbye. The emotions that I was feeling were put in their place by Helen when she simply said, “Goodbye, hope to see you again”. We hugged in silence. Then Roque and I left for the airport. It was the end of one of the most wonderful days in my life. I am so glad that I went to see Helen and Roque. Helen was and is a dear and very generous person. I will always remember how she and another teacher, our dear friend Lucy, helped me when I was teaching in Hong Kong. After a surgery, I had a difficult time getting all my examination corrections completed. Helen and Lucy did all my corrections. Anyone who has ever taught in Hong Kong knows the tremendous amount of work involved when correcting examinations. Just getting your own examinations corrected is about all one can do. I've never forgotten this extraordinary act of goodness. She was so willing to give of herself regardless of the effort. Helen is still with me. Roque sent me the beautiful mass booklet from Toronto with the wonderful picture of Helen smiling down on us all. Her spirit will always be with us. I thank you for this opportunity to remember again and to write about my visit with Helen for the booklet that you are preparing. Thank you
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