A Warm Letter from Jack and Mary Ann 

This is Jack.  Mary Ann has been quite tired and busy these past few weeks and has asked me to write to you.  We have met only once, and then briefly.  Yet I feel that I know you.  Mary Ann's involvement with you and Helen since you first stopped at our house to drop off your wedding gift has been shared with me through Mary Ann.  We thank you for all the photographs, CDs and, especially, the copy of the funeral Mass brochure.  The addition that you made to the cover of the brochure was beautiful.  The picture of Helen smiling down at all of us helps to continue the bond through spirit.  She will always be here yet it will never be the same.

Her picture sits on the corner of the desk and is a wonderful daily reminder to pray and communicate with Helen.

We keep you in our prayers and thoughts and wish that there were something we could provide to comfort you during this time of terrible loss.  The one thing that we can do, is to keep in touch with you and provide whatever support we can.

There is little use in asking, "How are you doing?" when we can imagine that we already know the answer.  Just know that we consider it a privilege to be with you at this time.  Mary Ann tells me that the Chinese culture does not provide for the sharing of emotion in the same way that our American culture approves.  As you know, Mary Ann has a great love for both you and Helen.  Helens change in existence from flesh to spirit is something that you have expected to happen since her diagnosis and lack of remedy.  We all live with the knowledge that for each one of us there will be an ending of life, as we know it.  When it is our own time it is easier to accept than for those who are left behind.  Helen has gone on to a higher existence free of all the limitations of our earthly body.  We shall have to go on living with the beautiful memories of being part of Helens life.  You, more than anyone else, feel the emptiness of living without her.

I do not know how many close friends you have around you.  Work is a great comfort at times like this and working with computers creates an atmosphere of solitude.  This can be either a positive or negative aspect depending upon maintaining a balance between engagement and withdrawal from the full spectrum of life.  From what Mary Ann tells me, Helen was your true life companion and friend.  I understand the value of such a thing.  I met Mary and when I was 50 years old and had accepted as a fact that I would spend my life alone.  Work and friends provide activity and interest that is far short of being with the person who brings the experience of peace and love into one's life.  We have a hope that I will be the first one to die.  I find it impossible to believe that I could ever meet another person who could love and care for me in the way that Mary Ann does.  Ever since we met we have lived with the daily fact that my body is fragile and that I have already survived instances that were predicted to end my life.  Until I met Mary Ann I saw death as a welcome release from the life that I must lead.  Now I want to stay alive as long as possible to enjoy her company.  Yet, we are not in charge of making such decisions about life and death.  Everything is mystery and faith.

Having lived with constant medical needs as well as pain, I am happy that Helen will no longer endure the hardship of her illness.  You helped her through this most difficult time as no other human being could.  The love and concern that you demonstrated for her during your entire being together continued until the last breath.  The care that you provided for her was a blessing upon you both and at the same time a great responsibility upon you.  You are both released from the demands of maintaining life only through intense medical intervention.  I imagine that this does not feel like a relief for you but more a deprivement.  It is good that you can fill the loss of this labor of love with the unending demands of your profession. 

                                                                                          With All Our Love and Support,

                                                                                                                 Jack and Mary Ann

 

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