Helen, Jack, and Mary Ann
Emails from Jack and Mary Ann (2004)
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As you know, Mary Ann has a great love for both you and Helen. Helens change in existence from flesh to spirit is something that you have expected to happen since her diagnosis and lack of remedy. We all live with the knowledge that for each one of us there will be an ending of life, as we know it. When it is our own time it is easier to accept than for those who are left behind. Helen has gone on to a higher existence free of all the limitations of our earthly body. We shall have to go on living with the beautiful memories of being part of Helens life. You, more than anyone else, feel the emptiness of living without her.
Having lived with constant medical needs as well as pain, I am happy that Helen will no longer endure the hardship of her illness. You helped her through this most difficult time as no other human being could. The love and concern that you demonstrated for her during your entire being together continued until the last breath. The care that you provided for her was a blessing upon you both and at the same time a great responsibility upon you. You are both released from the demands of maintaining life only through intense medical intervention. I imagine that this does not feel like a relief for you but more a deprivement. It is good that you can fill the loss of this labor of love with the unending demands of your profession.
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We walked back to the bedroom and she lay down. I started up a conversation as to what she wanted for her funeral. She said that it was much too sad to talk to Roque about it so they had not discussed it. I told her that Roque has taken such great care of her and it would surly be a gift to him to know that he fulfilled your wishes both in life and in death. Her response was that she did not want Roque to be in more pain than what he would be in and having a funeral would only have him surrounded with people, saying “I sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”. So my response was that if she had thought of cremation? She did not know that Catholic could be cremated. I told her that they can be and she could have a memorial service. Where there is no body but just the ashes. Her economic self, the great bargain hunter, took over and her eyes sparked with enthusiasm.
“Will this be cheaper than a coffin funeral?”
“Oh yes,” I said, “Jack and I have made our arrangements for our cremation and it only cost $600.00.”
I could see her mind working. ” What do you do with the ashes?”
“You can do what ever you want. You can spread them you can bury them you can keep them in a little chest on the dresser you and Roque can decide.”
“I like the idea of having them on the dresser but I have nieces and if they come over and open the little chest and all the ashes will fall on the ground.”
“Well not exactly, they are enclosed in a plastic bag or anything you want to enclose them in.”
At this point our conversation became hilarious. We both laughed so hard we were crying. The great mind was at work again.
“How can we make arrangements for this?”
“Where’s the phone book? Let’s call different funeral homes and inquire.”
The next hour I was on the phone learning more about Texas law concerning funerals and burials. We called this one place that they said they would bury Helen’s ashes for free if she would not mind being buried in a pathway. As long as it was a bargain, Helen said that she did not mind if people would walk on her ashes for the rest of her eternal life. Oh how we laughed. Later we discussed the idea of having her ashes in Hong Kong, Canada and Texas. All of this opened up an area that both she and Roque had been unable to enter. As hard as it would be, she said that she would talk to Roque about the funeral arrangements.
She felt that she was a burden and again we talked about how it's not in our hands. God brings people together to share the journey of life which also includes the life hereafter. It is not in our control.
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